Monique
Sartor
Privacy Policy
“With thanks to Writers’ HQ, our supreme writing commanders, glorious leaders and excellent but tiny overlords, who have verily granted us permission to use their splendid Privacy Policy.”
Wow has anyone ever actually read one of these? Boring but essential, I’m afraid!
I have to have one of these thingies to explain how I comply with the GDPR (General Data Protection Regulation), the DPA (Data Protection Act) and the PECR (Privacy and Electronic Communications Regulations) because God knows there’s not enough actual interesting things in the world to read, you need to read 1,000 words of legalese nonsense that makes literally not one bit of difference to anyone, ever.
Also I don’t really know 100% what all these things are. All I know is I need to cover this stuff, so here goes….
Briefly
The best bit about the GDPR is that all this has to be “concise, transparent, intelligible and easily accessible” so hold on to your hats, people, this is going to be the shortest, clearest and best freakin’ privacy policy you ever did see.
What type of info do I collect
I’m a tiny, overstretched business that doesn’t have the time, energy or inclination to do anything dodgey with your data.
I collect and store the info I need to provide you with the service or product you may buy from me. I will occasionally stalk you via Facebook adverts. That’s really it.
COOKIES
Seriously who actually cares? Do you even know what a cookie is or does? Well then. Yes I use cookies because that’s kinda how the Internet works. If you don’t want chocolate chip cookie scripts, then you need to block cookies on your browser but don’t come crying to me when nothing does what it’s supposed to.
STALKY VISITOR TRACKING THINGIES
Look, I’m following you, ok? I use Google Analytics, primarily to stare at the real time stats because they’re cool but also to see what stuff people looking at so I can photograph more of the stuff you like.
I also have the Facebook Pixel installed so that I can sell you stuff. Yes you heard it. I am a business and – shocker – want you to spend money with me (have you seen my gorgeous Versailles shots yet?). The Facebook Pixel means that I can see how people interact with my site and with Facebook adverts and then I try to sell you relevant stuff. If you’ve not seen the Facebook Ads analytics dashboard MAN ALIVE it’s stalker central. If you’re not on Facebook – well bloody done but the pixel is tracking you anyway.
Don’t know if there’s a specific Facebook Pixel blocking thing but freinds accidentally discovered that if you use Freedom app to block social media while you’re writing it also blocks the FB pixel. Handy hints!
None of these things store any super personal data about you but probably they nab your IP address, not that we’d know where to look for it or what to do with it. All we see is that a person or many people have interacted with the website in a particular way. You can mess with me by doing something totally unexpected on the website and skewing our stats.
DATA STORAGE
DATA!! A literal gazillion tonnes of petabytes whirring around the world and what? What’s it all for? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN? What will future historians actually see of us and our slowly collapsing society? So. We store your data in a few different places and use it in a couple of different ways. You ready for this?
Here on this website! If you Subscribe on my the site I will store your name and email address. If you buy stuff from me I will store your name, email address, postal address, phone number if you give it to me, and purchase history. Your payment details ARE NOT held on the site. I obviously go to the maximum effort to keep this data secure and only one person (me!) has access to it. Only one of them (again, me!) ever actually looks at it and that’s to solve any technical problems you might have.
I’ll be honest: I do absolutely nothing surprising or radical with your info. I use your purchase history to target you with ads for stuff you might like. For e.g. if you buy one of my GORGEOUS framed photos, I’ll occasionally ask you if you want a cushion or acrylic block with a complimentary image to complete your home’s décor! Does that make us DarthVaderCorp? Idk, it’s fairly standard isn’t it?
Wix Contacts (via Wix.com company)! If you’ve signed up for anything or bought anything on my site – newsletter, homewares, anything really – your name and email address also wangs its way over into Wix Contacts, which is the system we use to manage our newsletters and emails. They are (allegedly) GDPR compliant and they store your data on secure servers behind a firewall. You can unsubscribe from emails at any time by hitting the unsubscribe button.
When you buy stuff, you will pay through PayPal. The only payment-based details we hold on our site is how much you’ve spent. We have no bank or card details or nada here. PayPal is being totally weird about it but will have to be GDPR compliant or everyone in Europe will have to stop using it and probably they don’t want that.
EMAIL MARKETING THINGIES AND NEWSLETTERS
If you sign up to my newsletter, I will send you a newsletter – generally around two a month, but occasionally more if there is more interesting stuff to tell you. You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe button in every email. Your name and email address are stored securely in Wix Contacts.
Wix Contacts automatically adds tracking things to links so if you click on a link WE KNOW. If you open an email WE KNOW. If you ignore us reminding you to be writing WE KNOW.
The most important thing about this is I have neither the time nor inclination to actually look at or do anything with these stats.
FINE. BUGGAR OFF THEN I DON’T CARE. If you want to go undercover, just chuck me an email at Hello@moniquesartor.com and I’ll delete all the info I have on you from my systems while having a passive aggressive huff about what could have possibly gone wrong.
This does not include PayPal. If you want to delete your PayPal accounts you have to do that yourself via PayPal. We cannot delete your purchase history because the taxman will be terribly upset.
SOCIAL MEDIA AND ALL THAT BOLLOCKS
I use social media a lot, partly to promote my products & services but mostly as a vehicle for my fabulous creativity.
You are not required to follow my social media accounts. If others on my social pages turn out to be racist, bigoted losers then I wanna know so I can tell them to go to hell.
Got it? Read it? Done it? WELL BLOODY DONE YOU! Celebrate your achievement with a gold star.